“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you going to love someone else?” – Rupaul

That’s right bitches I am quoting Rupaul. Well many people hate their bodies and the skin their in, I have never had that problem. The reasons for wanting to go under the knife stems from wanting to be healthy. The size I end up at doesn’t matter as long as it’s healthy one. Even now at a weight that I find so alarming that I am taking drastic measures to change it I still start every day by dancing in my underwear before I get dressed. I still catch unexpected glances in the mirror where I think I look sexy, and I still perform burlesque.

My parent’s may have not taught me how to eat properly, but they instilled in me at a young age that I was the shit and could do anything I wanted, and that other peoples opinions didn’t matter. I started dancing when I was in 3rd grade and did that until 7th grade when I started to comprehend the financial burden it was putting on my family. At that time however I just moved from one preforming arts to another when I started theater. I was larger than any of my cast mates but that didn’t stop me from getting lead roles, and being cast in pretty much everything I auditioned for.

Once I got out of high school I pretty much stopped any sort of performing simply because the opportunity wasn’t really around. It wasn’t until I walked into a Pole Dance studio in 2011, the first dance studio I had visited in years had I noticed that somewhere along the way that I had began to fill very awkward in body. That however would not last long. I had no clue I had found what is now my Vertical Fusion Pole Family, I would have never guessed in a million years that my biggest support network would come from a bunch of scantily clad pole dancers, that they would be my biggest cheerleaders.  I would have never dreamed that Roxy Star would change my life with her foul mouth, red lipstick, and stripper heels. She took me from wishing I could perform burlesque to achieving a life long dream of being a Burlesque Artist.

Here is a promotional add for the next round of Roxy's Sexylesque workshop featuring yours truly on the end.

Here is a promotional add for the next round of Roxy’s Sexylesque workshop featuring yours truly on the end.

Week after week she would drill into us that sexy comes in many shapes and sizes. That well we are here to work out and transform our bodies that you have to love them along the way. While I had removed the words I can’t from my vocabulary along time ago I had never realized how hard I was on myself, that I said some pretty harsh things to myself about my abilities. Then one class she said something that clicked and I will never forget it.

“Be kind to yourselves. If what you said in your head about yourself came out of the mouth of someone else you would punch a bitch in the face. So leave your inner bitch at the door”

Each week she would remind us to leave all of our bullshit, and inner bitches at the door. She would heartfeltly plead with us to try to make the feeling we experienced in class last as long as possibly afterwards even if it only lasted until the next morning. You know what happened? Eventually the inner bitch took a permanent vacation, no longer did I beat myself up for not perfecting something on the first try. This didn’t apply just to the dance studio but in all areas of my life.

I encourage everyone to take one of Roxy’s classes if you live in the Front Range or she’s ever in your area you will feel like you can conquer the world after. If you can’t make it to one of her classes you can at least take a page from her book and check your inner bitch (or asshole) at the door and be kind to yourself. That happiness is a choice, and even though you might have goals and improvements to make you can still be happy along the way.


3 thoughts on ““If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you going to love someone else?” – Rupaul

  1. This fills my heart up so much! Thank you for sharing it with me. It is rare that I get to know whether or not my message made a difference over the long haul. It’s weird, sometimes as an instructor you feel you’re really helping, and other times it’s unclear. Still other times, you’re just trying to outrun the random pyscho student who suddenly has it out for you!!! Lol! After a couple of decades of battling mean and nasty messages from my within my own head and enduring the harsh judgments of others, I just hate knowing that other women are dealing with it too. So, this blog post get’s a big ‘Fuck yeah’ and rock n roll fist pump from me! I am thrilled to pieces knowing that I was part of the spiritual evolution of someone as rad as you girl!


  2. Reblogged this on A Journey Through Thick N Thin and commented:

    Hello my beautiful babies. Desi here, I had the pleasure of meeting some of you when the studio was open, and will hopefully get to interact with more of you as time goes on. Today I want to share with you some of the best advice I have received on my journey to getting fit.


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